Curtains in my Dreams (as in, not in reality)

In my head, the mini-Dreamer’s nursery is perfection. There’s just the right balance of patterns: soft and tough, sophisticated and childish. The image in my head will be featured in magazines. Bloggers will repost it for years. HGTV will stop by for taping. It is THAT GOOD. In reality, the image is very difficult to bring to life.

WAH!

(Better get used to that sound, right?)

For example – the curtains. Oh, the curtains. Curtains-shmurtains. If you know me and we’ve had a conversation – via phone, text, email or actually face-to-face – in the last month, you’ve endured my wailing over these DARN curtains. I’d already decided to put large silver polka-dots on at least one wall. The curtains are on an un-polka-dotted wall and I thought I’d shake things up and do bold, vertical stripes – like six inch wide stripes – silver (or light gray) and white. The valance above the curtains would be a different, yet equally bold pattern – like, plaid, checks, or horizontal stripes – in the same color palette.

Here’s the LONG (you’ve been warned) list of road blocks to my Dream curtains:

• Plan A) Buy Fabric, make curtains myself

Problem with Plan A) The gray/white striped fabric in my head does not exist in ANY FABRIC STORE IN GREATER PHOENIX, ARIZONA. Nor on any online retail site that I could find.

• Plan B) Make curtains myself using sheets or a duvet cover thanks to this fabulous tutorial!

Problem with Plan B) The gray/white striped print in my head does not exist in ANY STORE THAT PILFERS SHEETS AND/OR DUVET COVERS IN GREATER PHOENIX, ARIZONA. Nor on any online retail site that I could find.

Okay, FINE! We’re going to have to get crafty.

• Plan C) Buy white curtains, use silver fabric spray paint to create the highly-desired stripes.

Problem (s) with Plan C):

C-1: This fabric spray sucks.

C-2: Spray costs $4.99/bottle and ONE bottle will get you ONE coat of ONE stripe. DUMB.

C-3: This “spray” doesn’t actually spray, it sputters – leaving spots here and there and rarely an even tone.

C-4: The prep work for this Plan is ridiculous. It involves painters tape AND a drop cloth cut to size.

C-5: Don’t bother trying “real” spray paint. That little devil will deceive you! Looks so pretty going on – all nice, even, and non-sputtery. Then, like MAGIC, it disappears when washed (not to mention the toxic fumes that are no bueno trapped in fabric meant for a baby’s room).

don't be deceived!

Cost associated with Plan C FAILURE)

5 bottles of crappy spray paint = $24.99

Returned 2 bottles of crappy spray paint because one just didn’t work and I realized this was a complete failure before opening the last bottle = -$9.98

White curtains from Ikea $14.99, but only used one = $7.50

Drop cloth (that wound up utterly destroyed) = $2.98

Tape (already had)

TOTAL = $25.49

• Plan D) Use white curtain not already damaged by spray paint experiment and use fabric paint (you know, with a brush)

...and the bump makes a cameo...

Problem with Plan B) At first, I thought we had a winner. This stuff went on really smooth, fast, easy. The color was a bit darker than I’d hoped for – but, let’s be honest, I was starting to care less and less. I painted one stripe – let it dry for a couple of hours, then raced up to the nursery, CONFIDENT that this was the ticket. However, when held up to the window – with the light shining through – you could see each and every DANG brush stroke. UGH!

Cost associated with Plan D FAILURE)

White curtains from Ikea $14.99, used other one = $7.50

Fabric paint = $6.99

Brush (already had)

Tape (already had)

TOTAL = $14.49

• Plan E) Just BUY gray fabric and white fabric and use that thing called a “sewing machine” and create these suckers yourself. DUH.

Problem with Plan E) I’m pregnant. And tired. And I don’t want this to be hard anymore. Also, I’m very nervous about cutting 6 inch wide strips in actual straight lines – how would one do that?! So, this plan was ix-nayed, thankfully before the nursery budget took another hit.

• Plan F) Scrap the dream. Get over the stripes. Just go with silver curtains.

Problem with Plan F) Nope! There’s no problem with this plan. This is what we’re doing. Because I’m tired and pregnant and SO OVER these DANG curtains.

Cost associated with Plan F)

Two panel curtains @ $29.99 each = $59.98

TOTAL = way more than I wanted to spend, but WHO CARES at this point?!

So… Silver curtains from Bed, Bath & Beyond it is. (Wish I would have thought of that a month ago!)

The valance… however… will have some crafty-creativity. Stay tuned!